Apparently, I am a collector of souls, at least that was what I was jokingly called last night... Hmmm... Should I be insulted? Is it right that I was called this by someone so close? Or is it a compliment? Someone once told me that there is a grain of truth in every joke, so I'm really not sure. Does this mean that somewhere, in my mess of a house, I have a cardboard box full of souls? Maybe I should take them out and put them on the fridge...
I know that I am not the best person in the world, but at least I try. I can be a pretty shitty friend at times, I can be fairly self-absorbed. I'm not good at using the phone, I'm really not. So now you know. Sometimes, I'm just not willing to put up with drama. So, I'm sorry. Sometimes, I just can't be bothered to sit and listen for four hours about some random, passing comment that you're "man of the hour" made over the phone, and debate the comment's meaning. I just don't wanna. You take everything just a little too seriously. But I know that even if you read this, you won't know who I am... But sometimes you make me wonder if I have your soul in my collection...
Is it just me, or do the holidays suck big time? I'm starting this blog because I get so depressed around Christmas, and if maybe I can get it all out on here, my friends and family won't have to suffer it. This will be the fourth Christmas without my dad. And that really, really, really bites. Sometimes, I can't believe he's gone, still, after all this time. Something funny will happen, and I'll think to myself, "shit, I can't wait to call Dad and tell him," and then I remember, and feel bad for almost forgetting for a moment. This Thanksgiving, I forgot for a while that he wasn't there. And let me tell you, when I remembered what I had forgotten, I lost it. And the nightmares, that I had been successful in repressing for about five months, well, they started coming back. But then there are other times, times when I worry that I am so upset over it, that I will forget to live. And I want to live, and be happy, and have fun.
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